Debt, Pups, and Weight

I finally broke down and did what I didn't want to do.  But I just couldn't see another way around it.  I dug the hole and now I need to get out of it.  But I need to learn how to STAY out of it or else I am going to keep doing this.  What is she talking about?  Debt.  I was debt free (sans mortgage, car and student loan) for a year.  Then I let it all creep back in.  

Started with spending my "savings" on a down payment on a car and vacation.  Then it was little expenses here and there.  Then letting my Overdraft Protection to get drained.  To the point that I started using my credit card again.  I had a plan that I was going to use it JUST for the tuition for me to go to school to become a dog trainer.  Well, in the meantime, I have used it for so many other things, that I don't have room for the tuition.  So add the tuition on as debt I wasn't counting on now. 

So I am taking a loan out against my 403b.  It is the only loan that I can get at the moment because of the housing market.  I at one time would have had enough for a home equity loan however the stricter guidelines and the way the houses are being appraised it just wasn't in the cards.  I hate doing this because of the way it will effect my retirement funds.  The only solace that I am trying to take is that come January my boyfriend should be able to contribute significantly more towards the household bills therefore hopefully I will be able to pay off the loan quicker (no penalty for pre-payment).

All of this monetary stress has really been playing havoc on me.  I have been feeling it in the way I have been approaching things and felt that I needed to get it out of the way before I started my classes for dog training.  I truly believe that it has been part of my apathy towards my weight journey.  My lack of drive and focus.  I don't want that to filter into my studies.  Dogs and training is my future and I want to put my all into that and not have worries over my head.  

This won't fix things though.  Right now the loan will be band-aid on a gaping wound if I don't learn how to put in sutures.  I need to have a plan in place to attack the real problems and that is frivolous spending.  I have to stop that and learn to tell my boyfriend no to things.  I have to stop spending so much on food, especially on restaurant food when I have perfectly good food at home.  That all starts with planning.  I need to get order in my life.  Right now, though I have lulled myself into thinking that there is, there is very little order in my life.  I may go from one thing to another, but that doesn't make it orderly.

I also have to stop the Advocare process, at least for the time being.  I LOVE the product.  And I do feel that it gives me incredible amounts of energy but I just can't afford it.  Hopefully down the line I will find that I can swing it, but in the meantime I am just going to use up what I have and not stress about becoming an Advisor.  I will probably continue to order the Spark Drink and maybe the MNS E packs.  We will see.  

I also have to get back on track with my workouts.  I was doing really well there for about a month and feeling great about myself.  That is what I have to get back to.  I have ChaLEAN to do, as well as creating the TNTs for my SparkPeople friends.  Also, I need to get back to my C25K program.  I was going onto week 4 but I am going to re-do week 3 again before proceeding.  I also want to go back to the Yoga Space once I find some extra cash to spend on me.  Maybe that will be one of my goal rewards.  

My boyfriend is starting Weight Watchers on Monday so I am hoping to be able to create dinners for us that can be made ahead of time, or at least prepped ahead of time that he can throw together for us on the days he works from home.  I also have some frozen burritos that I had put together that are about 300 calories a piece that I need to start taking with me to work for lunch.  I just keep coming up with excuses not to.

So that is where my head has been.  Hoping to come out of it soon.

Hugs and loves,

Rhonda

Endorphins

I don't think I have any. In fact I am pretty darn sure I don't. Why? you might ask. Well because I HATE exercise!! Not that I don't want to do it but once it is done I feel better for doing it. Nope. Still hate it. Even afterwards.

I read blogs about how great people feel after they work out or run or what not. I have tried numerous types of exercises and have yet to find one I enjoy. And none of them give me that "high" feeling that people describe. I keep searching for it. I keep trying to find it. I keep telling myself that when I get to the next week of the C25K the endorphins will come. I keep telling myself that if I do the next ChaLEAN workout the "high" will be there. But it isn't. How am I supposed to get addicted to this stuff if I truly do not enjoy it???

Exercise is WORK to me. And who likes to work?? I do it because I have to...not because it is something I know is going to make me feel better about myself afterwards for doing.

I haven't been diligent about using my Advocare products and that has had to do with my frame of mind. I really need to get my head around things. Get my life on track. But doing that means I have to have a sit down talk with my man and I have been putting that off.

Yoga: Meditation & Relaxation

First off, I am old.  Second off, I don't care.  Why might you ask?  Because one of the best Friday nights I have spent in a while just happened at my first ever yoga class.  Well it was more of a one on one session, but still.  It was all about learning to meditate and relax.  On how to reconnect with yourself.  In a way for me it would be connecting, since reconnecting would imply being connected at one point in time...since I do not remember a time that I was (probably when I was young, if ever) I should say connect.  


If you have not taken a relaxation/meditation class and have ever thought about it, I would encourage it.  We live in such a hectic world and most have such busy schedules that it really has come to the point that we have to schedule it in.  Silly if you really stop and think about it.


After this week, I needed to take some time to reflect on things.  To center myself.  To become in tune to the inner flow of my body.  Next week there will be tests done and maybe a confirmation on a diagnosis, and only then can I determine a plan of action.  Right now, I gave the possibility of the diagnosis enough of a hold on me to ruin one day.  And that was one day too many.  So until a final diagnosis is achieved I am going to work on getting my health on the right path to handle whatever is thrown at me...both physically, emotionally, and physically.


I was not on track yesterday with my Advocare products.  I drank the Spark and took the first strip but the rest went to the wayside with the call from the doctor.  I made healthy choices with food and even said no to the cookie I wanted.   Today I was on better track with Advocare, getting all of the strips, catalyst, and thermo-plus in...but I left my lunch bag at home...so my food options weren't as good because despite the fact that I work for a world leading hospital, the food options stink.  I did ok with my choice but I did end up eating the cookie.  Not going to beat myself up for it because I honestly wanted it today.  It wasn't about eating emotions.  I dealt with them yesterday and today I just wanted the cookie.  So I ate it.  And it was good.  No guilt afterwards because it was a choice that I made after weighing out the options.


Tomorrow I am getting my hair done with a friend at a new place.  I can't wait.  Its been awhile since I have hung out with her and look forward to catching up a bit.  If I get up on time I plan on doing Week 3 Day 3 of C25K and then go to Blended Style Yoga at the same place.  But I am not going to put pressure on myself to go if I am not awake.


I am who I am.


Over and out,
Rhonda

Just another snowy day.....

I woke up this morning with the right side of my face swollen and in pain.  I had worn the night guard last night and it miraculously stayed in but I guess was not much help.  I am not giving up on it yet though, as it is just the first night of wear and it was flared up.  I decided to stay home because opening my mouth was painful and the "storm of the century"  was coming....LOL.


I didn't actually wake though until 11:30 due to the meds I took last night for sleep and pain.  I still drank my Spark drink and took my MNS E packs along with the Catalyst and ThermoPlus.  Drank my morning MRS and rested some.   I did attempt W3D2 of C25K but running was NOT a good thing to do. So I walked for 45 minutes.  


I have decided that I should post my weights and measurements thus far on here too, not just on Sparkpeople....




Height: 5'4.5" 
Week #1 January 5th,
Chest: 37
Waist: 35
Hip: 42.5
Thigh: 24.5
Arm: 14 
STARTINT WEIGHT January 5: 183.8
Week 1 Jan 12: 182.4 (-1.4!!)
Week.2 Jan 19: 183.2 (+0.8)
Week 3 Jan 26: 181.2 (-2.0!!) 

Over and out,

Rhonda