Started with spending my "savings" on a down payment on a car and vacation. Then it was little expenses here and there. Then letting my Overdraft Protection to get drained. To the point that I started using my credit card again. I had a plan that I was going to use it JUST for the tuition for me to go to school to become a dog trainer. Well, in the meantime, I have used it for so many other things, that I don't have room for the tuition. So add the tuition on as debt I wasn't counting on now.
So I am taking a loan out against my 403b. It is the only loan that I can get at the moment because of the housing market. I at one time would have had enough for a home equity loan however the stricter guidelines and the way the houses are being appraised it just wasn't in the cards. I hate doing this because of the way it will effect my retirement funds. The only solace that I am trying to take is that come January my boyfriend should be able to contribute significantly more towards the household bills therefore hopefully I will be able to pay off the loan quicker (no penalty for pre-payment).
All of this monetary stress has really been playing havoc on me. I have been feeling it in the way I have been approaching things and felt that I needed to get it out of the way before I started my classes for dog training. I truly believe that it has been part of my apathy towards my weight journey. My lack of drive and focus. I don't want that to filter into my studies. Dogs and training is my future and I want to put my all into that and not have worries over my head.
This won't fix things though. Right now the loan will be band-aid on a gaping wound if I don't learn how to put in sutures. I need to have a plan in place to attack the real problems and that is frivolous spending. I have to stop that and learn to tell my boyfriend no to things. I have to stop spending so much on food, especially on restaurant food when I have perfectly good food at home. That all starts with planning. I need to get order in my life. Right now, though I have lulled myself into thinking that there is, there is very little order in my life. I may go from one thing to another, but that doesn't make it orderly.
I also have to stop the Advocare process, at least for the time being. I LOVE the product. And I do feel that it gives me incredible amounts of energy but I just can't afford it. Hopefully down the line I will find that I can swing it, but in the meantime I am just going to use up what I have and not stress about becoming an Advisor. I will probably continue to order the Spark Drink and maybe the MNS E packs. We will see.
I also have to get back on track with my workouts. I was doing really well there for about a month and feeling great about myself. That is what I have to get back to. I have ChaLEAN to do, as well as creating the TNTs for my SparkPeople friends. Also, I need to get back to my C25K program. I was going onto week 4 but I am going to re-do week 3 again before proceeding. I also want to go back to the Yoga Space once I find some extra cash to spend on me. Maybe that will be one of my goal rewards.
My boyfriend is starting Weight Watchers on Monday so I am hoping to be able to create dinners for us that can be made ahead of time, or at least prepped ahead of time that he can throw together for us on the days he works from home. I also have some frozen burritos that I had put together that are about 300 calories a piece that I need to start taking with me to work for lunch. I just keep coming up with excuses not to.
So that is where my head has been. Hoping to come out of it soon.
Hugs and loves,
Rhonda
Hey, girl! Don't feel alone....we've been in that place too, especially with two weddings in a year!! And I feel the same way about myself....like I move from one thing to another, but without focus or order. I wonder sometimes if that's the fibro. Just make your plan and take small steps....move in the direction you want, and rejoice in that progress. And know there's folks here cheering you on. :)
ReplyDeleteI am sorry that things are so hard right now. Have faith. All things get better with time.
ReplyDeleteyup, thank you for sharing rhonda. this is it. now it all makes SENSE. OF COURSE you're listless about the weight. i mean really, think about it, for human survival isn't it more important that you have a roof over your head and have your finances in order??? Of course your natural defense mechanism and way your body responds to stress and your psychology is going to be dealing with THAT issue right now. i honestly commend you, I think you are such a wonderful person. POLLAAAAAAA FILAKIA, h filh sou, Dimitra
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