Jan 21
I have never thought that I was afraid of success. I have had it in many aspects of my life and never have shied away from it. In work, I overachieve...in darts, I have been on national teams...whatever I put myself into I find success...why? Because of all the darn hard work I put into it.
Well through a chat convo I was having with a friend tonight, we were talking about her fear of success in most aspects of her life. And she was fighting me on it, so I googled it. Came across this link ( www.livestrong.com/artic
le/14659-handling-fear-of-
success/ ) and began reading....ABOUT ME!!! And my journey through weight loss. Now not every statement applies to me so I am only going to highlight the ones that do in this blog.
So how does fear of success in weight loss manifest in one who has succeeded in other aspects of life? For me it was these:
1)Fear that you will accomplish all that you set out to, but that you still won't be happy, content or satisfied once you reach your goal
For so long, I have tied being "thin" or "thinner" as what was going to make me happier. Some of this was rooted in the teenage years (not all that uncommon), which was then supported via an emotionally abusive relationship in college in which my boyfriend had me believing I was so fat and unattractive that he was the ONLY one who would ever love me...to the point that I was so stressed out I was borderline bulemic. Then move forward into my marriage, where my ex would only have sex with me if I was dressed scantily or "sexy" in his eyes...which was pretty slutty in everyone elses. And I was SO uncomfortable in that garb because I was a larger girl...one who really shouldn't be in mini-skirts. So in both cases (college and marriage) I had lost weight...only to not feel any differently toward my weight.
MY STATEMENT: I am afraid that when I lose the weight I will still not be happy because intellectually I know that happiness has nothing to do with the size you are.
2)Lack of belief in your own ability to sustain your progress, and the accomplishments you have achieved in your life AND
3)Fear that once you have achieved the goals you have worked diligently for, the motivation to continue will fade
I have in the past lost weight. Like many others here I have lost the same 20 pounds over and over again...only to put it back on. I have seen it through out each of the BLC rounds. I will lose until mid-round and then not sustain the loss because I will make excuses and "let myself off the hook".
MY STATEMENT: I will lose the weight and keep it off. It IS within my power to do so and yes it will take work, but I have never been one to shy away from hard work or a tough challenge. I will not let myself do it now.
4)Belief that success is an end in itself; yet that end is not enough to sustain your interest and/or commitment
I have lived my whole life thinking that success is what you are striving for, regardless of what the task is. In this case, being healthy is the end success which can be achieved through the actions that are needed to lose weight. However, as with many other areas in my life, I get bored. When I get bored everything wanes. I have tried to come up with ways to abolish the boredom, but have yet to find the answer.
MY STATEMENT: My own well being is important enough to me to continue on the path, even if I do get bored at times. I will look for ways to shake things up, to liven them up, so that I will continue on the path.
Next are the consequences of my fear:
1) A lack of effort to achieve goals you have set for yourself
2)Losing the motivation or the desire to grow, achieve and succeed
3)Choosing to do just the opposite of what you need to do to be happy, healthy and successful (for me...in weight loss)
4) Reinforcing your chronic negativity, chronic pessimism and chronic lack of achievement since you cannot, visualize yourself in a contented, successful life (ie, weight loss)
Statements that I believe:
1)I have worked so hard to get this far, yet I need to keep on working hard; I'm not sure the effort is worth it.
Right now I have a man that loves me for who I am, I have no weight related health conditions, and I like to eat. So, is the journey worth it? This is where I have to find motivation.
2)I can't sustain the momentum I would need to achieve my goals
Alot of this has to do with the fact that I always over book myself. I am the person who is constantly juggling five different things, and the ball that drops is my weight loss journey. I need to find balance. I have tried to eliminate things from my life but find that I fill that void with another hobby, project, or such, that I have stopped eliminating and have started to try and focus on what I have all going on. I still feel worn thin.
3)I am happiest when I am under pressure and challenged
LOL...ok read above...I rationalize that is why I keep SO insanely busy.
4) Everyone has the right to fail in life, and I have the right to choose to fail if I want to
In a way I am ashamed to admit this one. But I do look at all that I have achieved in life and then I look at how others don't and I will cop out and say that I don't have to be perfect at everything...this is the one thing I won't be perfect at because everyone has the right to slack. Not really sure that this is true...and why would I want to fail at my health??
New behaviors I need to embrace:
1)Being able to honestly appraise my level of achievement, success and accomplishment
2)Accepting myself as being healthy, "together,'' happy, successful, prosperous and accomplished
3)Not giving myself any excuses for being unsuccessful
4)Monitoring my level of commitment and motivation to reach my goals
5)Accepting the compliments and recognition of others with an open heart and mind
In all honesty, number five is going to be the hardest. I have always had issues with compliments and recognition. I am the one who just wants to get the job/task done and KNOW that it was done well. I have never been one who wants accolades or such....
So I have all of this to think about and let stew in my head for a few days. I am going to formulate a plan to tackle my "to do" list....afterall...it is one thing I do well....
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