Where I have already examined....

I have come to a conclusion that I don't know why I even want to lose weight. I think that is part of the problem I have with staying with it and even harder when I get close to leaving 170s...because I have to pick up the exercise at that point to get over the plateau...and really have to focus on the why.... 

I think unless I figure this out I will forever be stuck....


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I wrote my blog yesterday quickly because I didn't have that much time to go into detail about it.

It seems that I am spending a lot of my time trying to lose weight. Trying to take my 180 lb body down to 155 lbs. And not only am I not enjoying the entire process I am no longer sure what the purpose behind doing it is. My entire life I have been overweight to some extreme. Never really to the point where it has hindered me in my life. Yet I feel that I need to lose. But why?

I was IMing a friend and she pointed out that when we get into discussions of some of the deeper issues in my life, I tend to take on a new project. Become VP of a club, get a new dog, throw myself into this website....I just wonder if the process is a way of avoiding the issues.

I like eating the food I like to eat. I don't emo-eat. When I am angry, I don't turn to food. When I am sad, I don't turn to food. When I am frustrated, confused, whatever, my first choice is not food. I do for the most part eat properly because I like healthy food. But there are times that I don't want to have to NOT choose the right food because it isn't healthy. I know all within moderation....but let's face it, there are some foods/dishes that aren't moderate. No mater if it is just one bite of it.

As for exercise, I just don't like it. Flat out. I have tried various types and I don't like it. There are types that I will tolerate and those I try to make myself believe that I enjoy. I do along with the storyline that I have created because I feel that I have to...in the meantime, I am crunching things into my time and it will be ten at night and I am finally winding down and to tired to even talk to my boyfriend let alone be social with him.

So I will probably continue as is since, well I dunno... 


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